What I learned from being on a sinking ship?

I had a varied career. I have been lucky that my interests led me to opportunities in cutting edge of technology and business. I worked as a researcher/professor in universities on three continents, worked as a data scientist supporting a major R&D department, finally I led the cybersecurity efforts in a scale-up in critical infrastructure.

When I got my latest job in cybersecurity it was a major step up in my career. I was going from senior level technical role to something that was supposed to lead to a management role down the line. It didn’t hurt that I also got a commensurate pay raise in this transition. The beginning was all excitement and thrills. My colleagues were very supportive. It felt like there was broad support among the rank and file of the company. Wherever I turned, I found willing collaborators. I found partners in legal, public-affairs, human relations, compliance, IT operations, and OT…

One area where I didn’t get any traction in was the leadership of the company. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t get time on their agenda. I pushed my updates and briefings through intermediaries that had their ear. Information went up, but nothing came down. I was given assurances that my updates were seen. I made a prioritized road-map for a cybersecurity program. This plan would get the company where it needed to be. Not a single one of my initiatives were funded.

I just couldn’t understand. This was a company operating in critical infrastructure with gaping holes in their security. The breath of new cybersecurity regulation was on our necks… How could they ignore the issue. I threw myself harder at the problem. Worked harder, collected more evidence. Gap analyses, security assessments, maturity scores, risk estimates… You name it. It all fell on deaf ears. I was starting to doubt myself. Maybe I didn’t know how to do my job. This uncertainty became a great source of stress in my life.

Turns out the company was in dire peril. Pretty soon after the lay-offs started. Then came the bankruptcy. I survived 7 rounds of lay-offs. They were firing people we actively needed, and keeping me (someone whose program had been on hold for months). Loosing those colleagues wasn’t easy. It did take a toll on me.

So here I am, I just resigned my post. So what is the lesson?

1- It is not always all about you. There may be bigger picture issues if you aren’t getting anywhere.

2- Working in a stressful environment has a price. I tried to keep my personal life separate from work. I used to be good about this in the past. But the level of stress involved in working in this kind of a context inevitably seeps to ones personal life. Looking back, the raise I got to deal with this wasn’t worth the sacrifices I made (often without realizing it) in my personal life.

3- Comfort is underrated, I tried to rise up in the corporate ladder by strategically switching roles. I ignored the benefits of being comfortable where I was.

4- Ambition is overrated, maybe rising up is not all that it’s hyped out to be.

What is next? I signed up with a large company. Doing interesting work on the intersection of data-science and security. It is a step down from my management ambitions, but at this point I don’t mind it. Maybe I became wiser through this episode of my life.